MY DEAD CAT COULD RUN NBC BETTER, AKA JEFF ZUCKER'S REIGN OF ERROR

I would’ve never thought I would look forward to Comcast taking over a company. But as Jeff Zucker continues his Reign of Error at the not-so-proud peacock network, I’m rooting for the lousy cable company to do something better.

Even if that means with Comcast running things I might have to wait for Parks & Rec to show up on my TV sometime between 8 a.m. and noon, noon and 6 p.m. or 6 to 9 p.m.

And then there’s the NBC Talk Show Titanic.

Where’s Johnnnny (Carson, When You Need Him)?
I grew up on Johnny Carson. He managed to project himself as both a Hollywood Rat Pack-type insider and a good Midwestern boy; do schtick and political humor; AND interview everyone from starlets to opera stars better than any current host (except perhaps Colbert) does.

It was the perfect package.

NBC Disaster Movie
But this current lineup - this was all destined to go bad from Day One - Conan being too "weird" for 11:30 and too East Coasty for L.A., Leno completely stinking up the place at 10. (Fallon sucking like a stoned guy at a college station is a given.)

As the youths say, EPIC FAIL.

My Perfect Talk Show
These days it's much harder to do something really different and appeal to a really mass audience. It's all niche programming.

But if I were trying to put together a late-night show with a little of something great for everyone, here are the ingredients I’d want:
1. The Tonight Show with Conan theme song,
2. A little Letterman monologue (and perhaps an even smaller quantity of Kimmel),
3. The first five minutes of Jon Stewart's Daily Show,
4. The bondage-guy dancer from Craig Ferguson,
5. Conan’s taped pieces out and about and
6. A Stephen Colbert interview

This combined would make one very good show.

I'm Thinking Arby's
Also, Jimmy Fallon should be working someplace at his true talent level, perhaps as the drive-through window guy at Arby’s. And Jay should confine his public appearances these days to eating at Arby’s.

And here’s a novel idea - how about a woman/ person of color on one of the Big Shows? Or is 2010 too soon for such a radical idea?

Your Favorite Non-PC Olympic Figure Skaters

 (As always buoys and gulls, remember to click back to this page after going to a link.)

 Ah, figure skaters. Some of them are just a wee bit isolated from the world’s realities.

I rather dislike these contemporary Russian dancers anyway, so here for your bug-eyed WTF viewing “pleasure” is Domnina & Shabalin‘s 2010 Original Dance. 

She said she picked the music after her new dog ran around the room upon hearing it.

I think her dog’s a racist.

Shades of Alexei Yagudin in 1997.

I'll give them a benefit of the doubt and assume it was just a cultural misunderstanding thing.

"These freaks are leeching the dignity from our beloved sport."






Then of course, there’s drag.

‘Cos ha-ha there’s nothing funnier than a guy dressing like a woman.

And we won’t even get into flip side-  guys trying-too-hard-to-prove-they’re-straight.

Figure skating, I keeed because I luurve you.

Not as much as I used to, but that’s thanks to your crappy new judging system and same old cheating judges.

Oh dear, to cleanse our palate, how about a little of the exquisite Yu Na Kim (or Kim Yu Na), who is a class act. With a capital C. (As opposed to a capital K ...KK.)

In Which I Don't Write But Name Drop Like Crazy

Random thoughts:

1. All my previous posts seem soooo last decade.

2. In the first 20 hours of 2010 I ate two pizzas.

But not to worry, I also walked for nine minutes.

3. If I’m going to live my life like a less successful Liz Lemon it’d be nice to at least look like Tina Fey. (And hell, I've even had a thing for a piano player or two.)

4. It sucks to feel like you have a hangover when you didn’t have any Fun preceding it.

5. The Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef, The Hills, P. Hilton, Kardashian.

Sorry, I don’t follow any of the above, don’t care about any of the above, have no thoughts about any of the above - I’m just trying to up my SEO.

6. I’m going to open a restaurant as near as possible to the TSA checkpoints at the airport and call it Security Dinner Theatre.

7. Why yes, I am tired and silly tonight, why do you ask?

8. At least I got some good creative writing done during my week off.

Come on, my little script babies, make momma some money in the new year.

9. I never got around to posting this before. It's the crazy Christmas house in Royal Oak, MI.

Me like.

2009 & the Aughts were not the greatest, and still there may be hard times ahead ... but let's face the music and dance. (And be thankful that people like Astaire and Rogers and Nat King Cole lived to share their talents with us.)

Happy New Year Everyone.

Now Comes the Really Hard Part

Fade out.
THE END!!! .....
Aaannnd: 158 pages ...

Yeah, it needs just a wee bit of trimming. But do I get a celebratory cigar and glass of wine now?

From Cynical to Sweet in Seven Seconds Flat

Ah, the internets. Ain't it great how it can mirror or change your always excitable moods.

One minute I'm on this new favorite site looking at vintage photos. [Including a geekily fascinating post about what a prop guy wrote on a Leave it to Beaver letter. More on this site another time.]

 Then I'm at a blog from one of that site's commenters, laughing at this snarky post. ["Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider."]

Then I'm getting misty-eyed at all the youthful enthusiasm amongst the crazy Washington state high schoolers who did a Lip Dub challenge:

School #1

School #2

Thanks, Internet.

I Hate These End-of-Decade Lists But I’m Doing One Anyway

It doesn’t seem like we’re 10 years into the new century. Time flies when you’re having a sh**ty decade.

And after the big brouhaha over the new millennium (ah, remember our 2K worries, how quaint and innocent) this seems tres anticlimactic.

However, this is what writers do when they need something to do. A trendy little list. You know that. It’s either this or talking about some horrible “reality” stars.

So a Best Of Blog.
We all live in different cities, me and my many readers. Ahem.

So I won’t talk about The Local Detroit Entertainment Scene. (OK, just a shout-out to some “smaller” Detroit groups of various stripes, like Go Comedy! and Eisenhower Dance and Detroit Chamber Winds.)

MOVIES?
Meh, I don’t feel like talking about movies. (See "Too Much Boy Stuff" below.)

POP MUSIC?
I heard a Best Of list the other day. Half the bands I couldn’t hum anything if you put a gun to my favorite teddy’ bear’s head. The other 50 percent Ithink their music is crap.

But some runners up on the list, like Outkast's “Hey Ya"? - Now THAT I liked. What can I say - I’m hip. ***

And finally -
BEST OF THE TEEVEE MACHINE

DRAMAS
For the past few years longer-form series haven’t held much interest for me. Many recent critical favorites never sounded that appealing to me, and when I catch up with them on DVD or in syndie, that’s been confirmed. Why?

1. Too much Boys Stuff.
The Wire, Sopranos, Deadwood. Perhaps even Mad Men. They’re about The Guys first, with women as sometimes interesting accessories.

2. Too many shows with overly-bizarre premises. I definitely like whimsical (the 90s show Northern Exposure). But not over-the-top weird (Pushing Daisies).

3. So my dramas list would probably be short:

The West Wing (even though I never forgave Sorkin for treating Sports Night like Tiger Woods treated … fill in your own joke).

The Gilmore Girls. The first hourlong since Northern Exposure to pull me in with just the right mix of banter (in this case, mile-a-minute) and fully developed characters.

But wait. Was it really an hour-long comedy. That brings me to-

COMEDIES (SITCOMS)
With a dearth of hour-longs to enchant me I’ve become more a sitcom girl in recent years.

But I miss seeing newly minted faves on other critics‘ lists. Too new, they say.

Bah. Here’s my thought: Put Parks & Rec and Better Off Ted on a Great Newbies with Potential for Long-Lasting Minor TV Immortality If Not Prematurely Canceled list.

And in the veteran cateogry put 30 Rock on the Oh God You Frustrate Me But I Still Love You list.

You get my point. Give me funny. Offbeat.
And some female characters that aren’t just The Wife.


*** I’m Hip

I dig, I’m in step,
When it was hip to be hep, I was
When it was hip to be hep, I was hep.
I don’t blow but I’m a fan
Look at me swing, ring a ding ding
I even call my girlfriend “Man,” I’m so hip.

I’m hip, I’m alive
I enjoy any joint where there’s jive.
I’m on top of every trend
Look at me go vodee odo
Bobby Darin knows my friend
I’m so hip.
---Dave Frischberg

Blossom Dearie Sings I'm Hip

While I'm Sitting Here With a Stomach Virus I Might As Well Kvetch About SNL Again

SNL with host Joseph Gordon Levitt 11/21/09 (or 21/11/09 for you furriners)

So, I read comments on some sites where right-wingers are happy SNL is "finally" sticking it (so to speak) to Obama.

And I think - that's probably what's wrong with SNL. Back in the day conservatives didn't even watch those dirty hippies on SNL.

No wait, that's what's wrong - SNL doesn't HAVE any dirty hippies any more. Just a couple of post-something-something absurdist ironists and some kids who grew up watching other bad SNL seasons and dreadful sitcoms with enhanced laugh tracks and now think that's what humor is.

And the digital shorts? Again, I was thinking the other day about the little moves that SNL did way in the past. A wider variety of stuff, from the sick Mr. Bill to sweet little clips of people greeting relatives at a train station, set to "Homeward Bound." But Samberg's stuff, while sometimes clever, has all the same tone.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy because there was no Feylin last night.

(Oh, but props to "the kid from 3rd Rock" for his energy and especially the salute to "Singing in the Rain.")